Friday, November 11, 2011

The Parasite Within

For those days that you can't get you out of your head. Those blue, blue days. Because truth is, they will get to you every now and then, especially when you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of good self-esteem. But that is okay!! They happen to the best of us.
Recently, I noticed a pattern. On the bad days, on top of having the bad day, I will start to feel bad over stuff that didn't even happen that day and I just soak it in. I'm not saying it's a good thing, because it is not a good habit to have.
But just think, recall those moments, those days, when you feel something churning inside you? That's what I call, a parasite from within. Those days the parasite brings everything just underneath the surface of your skin. And you can't help but just itch and scratch at such an irritating rash. Those are the days that you can find any kind words to sooth away the pain of your itch and you can't help but to scratch it…further and further until you find yourself bleeding…..again.
For me, those days that I let the parasite eat at the beauty within and I become so sick. It disgusts me that I will actually continue to rewind the words of another in the back of my mind like a silent movie. Why? WHY?! Why do I LET people get the best of me? It is so ridiculous that I allow myself to fall back into these miserable depths. I actually don't know any other way to describe this strong distaste I have for the parasite inside of me. It latches on to a bad day, and just makes it worse by supplying every thought or word said to me as a bad thing. Ugh! Can you say delusional!?
Whatever, I'm taking a step away from that. So here is my letter to that parasite! Pass the "wordly" antibiotics please!
Well now the time has come, it's a like a graduation. I'm growing and am learning to say goodbye. BON VOYAGE! You little negative parasite! You have been eating away at me for far too long! Who cares if you aren't perfect Roxxi? WHO CARES if you have flaws? WE ALL DO. And it never fails, you stupid parasite always come back in a form of a critique, negative comment, or something just plain stupid. Whatever that has been said, has been said. So be gone! Insecurities won't get you very far, and you have beauty in-and-out working for you, never against you. Parasite, poison that seeps in deep; it is your time to be terminated, diluted.
Now to me, Roxxi, there's nothing wrong with you! Be strong, confident, and yourself because no matter what, it doesn't matter what anyone says. Point is, you already have it in you. You just need to let it speak for yourself. You can't keep yourself from making decisions…from living. You will only set yourself up for failure the more you let yourself sink into the sinkhole of bad self-esteem. That parasite will suck you in like a black hole, if, and only if, YOU LET IT SUCK YOU IN YOURSELF!!
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "No one can make you inferior without your consent." Take that thought even further, and tell yourself that YOU cannot make yourself inferior without your consent. Next time, catch yourself before you say something bad. Or if you do, think to yourself "am I really making myself feel bad about myself?" And when the point comes when you actually ask yourself, you will realize how ridiculous you sound.
Ridiculous right? Soon your blue day will turn into gold. Don't let anyone steal your gleam of the glitter you already have.
Song of those bad days? Try Jennifer Love Hewitt's "Hey Everybody". Its catchy tune will have you smiling in no time. J